Nobody Said It Would Be Easy

Only that it would be worth it….

And, it is.

Without boring readers with details of site migration, server upgrades, service integration, html code, php (which I KNOW stands for something), and ftp/file transfer protocol, Lifetime’s new website is finally complete.  The labor of love that has consumed me for weeks, emotionally wrecked me for days when I found out that all previous content was gone, poof, buh-bye, and left me sitting at the computer until my butt was numb has finally come to be, the way that it should be.  I realized there must be a lesson in this.  And, for an active blogger, that means there must be a blog in this.  There is.

Nobody said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it.  I don’t know who said it, who this “Nobody” person is, just like I really don’t know any “Riley” living a great, exuberant life kicking back in a hammock with an umbrella drink (because that’s the “Life of Riley” I imagine).  Regardless, Nobody is right.

Sometimes in life we have to break it down completely in order to build it back up, be it relationships, websites, whatever… there is always something new to be discovered through difficulties and difficult times.  But, we are virtually incapable of reaping any reward without getting lost, at least once, first.  Sometimes, we have to break something to build something better.  More so, we have to recognize how broken it is to put the effort in just as hard to build it better.  In life, I call these AFGO’s:  Another ——- Growth Opportunity.  In websites, I call it ‘holy moses, 18 pages and weeks of work just went BOOM.’

Feeling lost shouldn’t be scary.  It is an opportunity to learn.  Be the change you want to see in the world: it’s 80% mental.  In my book, “The Power of Me Project,” I talk about immersing yourself in your own best success, your own motivation, and EBookCover copy-p17q4p0c9tlif1ail1s7p1s471jvoyour goals.  When you feel lost, get lost.  Just let it go:  feel it, do not avoid it, accept it, surrender to it.  Cry about it, write about it, swear about it if you want to:  whatever it takes to break it down.  I will never say that it’s NOT scary to feel it: if only we were capable of seeing that the reward would be worth it, it would not be.

I don’t know about any of you but I know I don’t want easy.  To be honest, I have seen easy:  it was stagnant, content, safe, B-O-R-I-N-G.  And, often times we ask ourselves why something has to be so hard, like why did I have to spend countless hours with self-taught computer code to re-build my website on my own when the tech people on the other end of the phone told me that it was gone and they could not fix it.  When it’s easy, there is no lesson, no growth opportunity, no improvement, no learning.  And I have always thought that when we stop learning we stop growing.

As a Nationally Certified Interventionist, it is my duty and responsibility to help a person struggling with addiction to mimic the experience of “hitting rock bottom” with the help and convergence of his or her supportive family and/or friends.  We could argue that anyone battling addiction is already lost; and, indeed that is true.  But, he or she has not lost enough, felt enough loss to want to change.  In that glorious moment when that person says yes to the help being offered, learning, growth, and reward are closer than they have ever been.

There are a plethora of quotes that come to mind that further validate this philosophy:  anything worth having is worth fighting for, life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get, no risk: no reward.  All are true.

So, next time you feel lost, lose yourself then be the change you want to be, make the changes you want to make.  It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Until next time,

Dr. Kasparian

How do you spend your Dash?

I read of a man who stood to speak3027953104_a8ddab5ba4

At the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

From the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke of the following date with tears.

But, he said what matters most of all

Was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth.

tombstone-300x189And now only those who loved her

Knew what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;

The cars,

The house,

The cash…

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard:

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

That can still be rearranged.

If we could slow down just enough

To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

And show appreciation more,

And love the people in our lives

Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect

And more often wear a smile,

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

tombstone-hope-300x225So when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

And how you spent your Dash?

(I can’t take credit for this one.  This is a contribution from Linda Ellis, © 1996, ARR)

Until next time…

Dr. Kasparian

There’s an App for that!

Hi friends,

It is VERY rare for me to endorse any product; but, when I find something that I believe in, that will not only benefit your personal growth, development, and motivation and may very well also help you financially by sharing it with YOUR friends, it is hard to say no.  I was asked to review an app for android and apple smartphones:  you can find it here

For less than $10, this app is definitely worth the tiny price tag.  It is packed full of information and motivation, a complete archive, and a wealth of information to inspire you.  The team at iliving has challenged and inspired ME to share the app with THREE people in three days… I think it’s quite possible & I think this app is going to take off like a rocket if those three people inspire 3 more people and so on.  By doing so, that $10 investment is covered and your app becomes free.  A very cool way to engage in network marketing with a very nice application that offers a great product is a win-win in my book.  Please, read the full story here and I strongly encourage you to sign up:  everything I have personally seen makes this $9.95 worth more than 2 cups of coffee.

Put down your Candy Crush Saga and take a moment to check it out, sign up, and make a very small investment in your personal success, motivation, and growth!

Until next time,

Dr. Kasparian

Watch a Video Here too!

The Golden Rule

golden-do-untoOver the years of my career as a therapist, coach, advocate, and mentor that now spans more than 20 years, I have realized the unfortunate reality that there are people in the helping professions who do far more harm than good to others whether that is their intention or not.  There are people practicing who should not be in practice or practice illegally; there are people who accept clients they truly have no business accepting because their scope of experience does not yield them the vision to be helpful; and there are simply therapists out there on power trips who fill their clients’ minds with all sorts of hogwash and open cans of worms that previously did not exist.  It’s a sad truth, a reason that I got out of practice as a therapist and dedicated my practice to coaching, and I am truly ashamed of what has happened to the profession and ethical practice of many social workers and psychologists.  Whether an MD or an allied health professional, the same Hippocratic Oath should apply:  “First, do no harm.”  More importantly, as a lay person even, The Golden Rule should always apply:  would the world alone not be a better place if everyone lived by this creed?

On behalf of all those in the helping profession, I apologize for their errors in judgment, their inability to do their jobs correctly, their personal biases or leading of clients in harmful if not completely incorrect directions to conclusions… I would like to say I forgive them for they know not what they do.  Unfortunately, I know this is not entirely true and I do not blame you if you have ever had a bad experience yourself.  This is not a shameless plug for my own skills and expertise: I do, however, know my limits, choose my clients with discretion based on my ability to help, and refer well to others who I know and trust to “do no harm.”  I believe that my clients, past and present, are pleased.  I have not heard otherwise.

There also comes a moment in a person’s career when it is time to leave:  A time to know when you are no longer capable of making sound, qualified decisions regardless of your ability to still feel helpful.  Sometimes, it’s those decisions that do the most harm.  While I certainly appreciate the experience and expertise of a long and successful career, I also find it very difficult to refrain from speaking up when a professional makes a very swift error in judgment that ultimately has a ripple effect on a person’s life or that of a family.

As professionals, we have an obligation to consider the effects of our actions before we take them.  Careful consideration must be given to the effects as a necessary part of the treatment process.  Care must be given before we allow a misjudgment to occur that has serious, harmful, and dangerous repercussions.  We must act in such a way to preserve our clients’ trust, confidentiality, and an understanding that sometimes there is far more behind words and actions that, if we fail to explore and understand them fully, will lead to hurtful outcomes.

This is not so much an informative blog post as it is a call to action:  if you feel like you are being mistreated by someone in the helping profession or if you feel like you have been misjudged, misguided, or harmed in ANY way by someone in the helping profession, you have a right, without any hesitation, to terminate that relationship without having to defend your decision in any way.  Likewise, if you are a helping professional, check yourself.  It may be time for a personal inventory and a reconsideration of your duty, actions and outcomes, and your ability to truly  help versus hurt your clients.  There is no denying that the helping profession can be stressful, breaks may be necessary (I have taken two  myself in my career), and an early retirement from your altruistic call to duty may be imminent.

In life, in general, watch who you hurt.  Karma always comes back around.

Until next time,

Dr. Kasparian

Life is Short, Do Not Miss It

“Begin doing what you want to do now. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand, and melting like a snowflake.” – Marie Ray

Ever feel like you are stuck?  Ever feel like there is more that you want to do or a better person, in some way, that you want to be?  Yet, you simply continue to feel that way, to accept the status quo, the way things are, or your “lot” in life.  Stop.

Stinkin’ thinkin’.

lifelovesayingsthoughprovokingwords-cebce2f6a0a906a75df249e110be0471_hI have spent some time away from writing for the last couple of weeks.  Mostly because I have been busy thinking about myself, taking care of myself, doing a personal inventory, and making the most of my health: physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I have taken some risks, made some decisions that may have cost me other opportunities but those sacrificing decisions may make all the difference in my life.  In short, when I feel stuck, I commit to getting un-stuck.

Life moves forward, whether you are with it or not.  But just like life’s limitless potential, it rocks and rolls, rejoices and suffers tragedies, you too have limitless potential.  Like life, face forward and move.

What’s in your way?  What stops you from living the life you want to live?  Is it motivation? Willpower? Fear?  (Be warned, here comes the shameless plug) A well-qualified Life Coach can help you get unstuck.

Recently, I went to see Jillian Michaels.  She said in her presentation, “Someone said ‘life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans… but you must MAKE OTHER PLANS.’” Do you have a plan?  Make one.

I cannot count the number of clients I have worked with in private practice over the years that have had tremendous goals yet felt they could not reach or achieve them:  some good, some undesirable such as leaving an abusive relationship, setting boundaries,or stopping alcohol or drug abuse.  Others wanted to finish their educational attainment, start a business, lose weight, stop hoarding and get organized, become more socially available, meet new people, or re-establish a relationship long lost.  Whatever the goal has been, the same technique applies.  We get stuck when the goal overwhelms us, be it because of our fears or lack of willpower to overcome any obstacles that stand in the way.  This is no secret, what I am about to share with you; it is simple, at times it has made me “the best therapist ever” which makes me laugh because anyone can do this.  Even Jillian presented a similar idea.

Here it is, are you ready?

Take your big, huge, overwhelming and scary goal and whack it in half.  Then whack it in half again, and again, and again… until you have a bunch of little goals.  Number those little goals if you need to, write them down.  Then, take a look at “goal #1″ and realize it is not bigger than you.  If it is, whack it again until each of the goals feels smaller than you.

I am certain that once you recognize these smaller goals are smaller than you, you will also realize that you actually have created a PLAN and you will feel confident that you CAN and WILL conquer each of those smaller goals in succession.  Likewise, as you achieve success consecutively, you will feel increasingly empowered to continue:  the success will be contagious and inspiring.

Helping You Achieve Your Best Success:  that is the motto of Lifetime Coaching with good reason.  Because you all are quite capable of achieving whatever your heart desires.  Do not over think, just do.

Until next time,

Dr. Kasparian

Boston, You’re Everyone’s Town

Though I am from Massachusetts, born and raised; though last friday, I walked down Boylston Street in the rain in front of where each bomb was detonated; though I admire and frequent the Armenian area of Watertown where the action is live as I write this blog, I cannot say I am from Boston.  I have never lived in Boston.  Yet, I’m sure that regardless of anyone’s relationship with Boston, near or far, we are ALL feeling solidarity with Boston right now.

How can you not feel an allegiance to this city?  If you are a sports fan, The Patriots, the Red Sox, The Bruins, The Celtics… If you are a collegiate, Harvard, Boston College, Boston University, Northeastern, Suffolk… and, of course, if you are an avid distance runner, The Boston Marathon.  Even if you don’t run, you watch:  who does not recognize Dick and Rick Hoyt who have run, father and son, Dick pushing Rick in his wheelchair every year?

Terrorism, no matter how it’s defined, has had a tremendous effect on Boston over the years:  from the launch of planes from Logan Airport that attacked the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 to Monday’s bombing at The Boston Marathon.  This is not Boston’s first tragedy.  Regardless of the number of tragedies, each feels new and hits directly in the heart and minds of everyone, Bostonian or not.  Boston, everyone loves you…. your past, your present, and your future have contributed to and will continue to impact our Nation’s history.  When you hear Rene Rancourt, who has sang the National Anthem for the Boston Bruins for more than 3 decades, be assisted by almost twenty thousand fans singing on Wednesday evening, you are compelled to feel emotion and solidarity for this city and the Nation.

558910_501250759936986_584891330_nIt’s terribly tragic:  a little boy killed, a young woman killed, 183 injured on Monday, a 26 year old MIT police officer executed in his car, an MBTA police officer now fighting for his life; at this time, “Suspect 2″ is deceased and “Suspect 1″ is at large, an entire college campus evacuated, Boston is a closed town as are several area suburbs, people are either being evacuated or ordered to stay in their homes.  Two young men have paralyzed a significant geography, Massachusetts, Maryland, New Jersey, and hundreds of thousands of people if not an entire nation by their acts, random or not, affiliated with anyone, any creed, any nation, or not… two young men. Continue reading

Failure is a Motivator?

An eleven year old girl I know copied something onto the white board in her room which told me that “failure”  is “motivating.”

” Let it bring you down only to bring you up higher than the first time.   Your failure is only the beginning of another success. Life is your roller coaster: You can choose to give up and throw up or put in all you possibly can and never give up :)

You know it is written by an eleven year old only because of the smiley at the end; otherwise,  it’s pearls of wisdom that aren’t that of a child.. Aren’t that of many adults in my opinion.

Maybe a child did write it.   Maybe we only embrace our failures when we are too old and grouchy to appreciate our success?   Maybe the good stuff means less to us than it did when we were kids. Maybe if we continued to look at life through the innocent eyes of a child,  a good portion of our failures would seem innocuous and insignificant?

Let’s try it.   What do you mean, “you can’t?”   We thought with and through the eyes of a child once before,  why not as grown ups?   Is there a switch that some mysterious monster flips on us while we sleep called “time to be jaded?”

I really want to know when we become paralyzed by failures and learned to run out of fear.  Because when I really think about it,  neither is how I really think any of us want to live or want to be.

We get to a point at some time in our lives,  be it due to circumstances or just time,  where failure kicks us in the shins and we do not get back up.   Yet,  as kids we fail and we fall all the time and jump right back up as if we were unaffected by it all.

We focus on the problems,  the “failures,”  and claim we can’t get up,  we can’t fix things…. Yet,  we fixed things all the time as kids,  we had all the answers and the solutions.

I propose that for one day,  one day,  if you can do more that’s great,  Over-Achiever that you are,  we live our lives through the eyes we used as children: so much less concerned about the problems and trying anything we can to reach the next success.  I think the results might be surprising.

It takes so many more muscles in your face to frown than it does to smile… I can’t remember how many but I have an eleven year old encyclopedia who can help if I need it.   Clearly,  she outscored me on the pearls of wisdom for today.

Until next time,

Dr.  Kasparian